|
Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Unite against togetherness!
Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
No fear! (NAME) is here!
I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
Life's a bitch. Be its pimp
I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
Save a tree, eat a beaver
By the time you read this, you've already read it
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times
I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
Dont steal, the government hates competition
If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop
|
 |
|
|
Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Not me, not now, maybe later...
Life's a beach... Surf it up!
Trying is the first step towards failure
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it
I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
|
|
|
|
|
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
Gravity always wins
The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
Buy land, they have quit making it!
Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun
|
|
|
|
|